Feeling like a group isn’t diving into the “five percent” – those deep, meaningful conversations that foster connection – is a common challenge. You aren’t alone as many Forums face this issue. Here are a few practical strategies to help your group move past the shallow waters and into deeper, more engaging territory:
1. Acknowledge the Subjectivity of Depth
What feels “deep” to one person may seem trivial to another. Personal vulnerability is subjective, and everyone’s emotional bandwidth differs. For one person, sharing a story about a tough day at work might feel profoundly personal, while someone else may think it’s just small talk.
Take time to discuss these differences as a group. Setting clear expectations about what “deep” means for your specific context can help everyone get on the same page. For example, you might ask questions like:
- What does “meaningful” conversation look like for this group?
- Are there topics or themes that would help us connect on a deeper level?
Creating a shared understanding of what “five percent” conversations look like ensures that everyone is striving toward the same goal.
2. Rate The Monthly Update
Sometimes people don’t realize they’re not going deep, and a little feedback can give them the nudge they need. Here’s a simple system to provide constructive insight:
Optional: End with a group discussion to reflect on the ratings and explore how to create deeper, more meaningful conversations moving forward.
This process helps members become more aware of how others perceive the depth of their updates, sparking self-reflection and opportunities for growth.
- Step 1: Give each group member a small piece of paper for every other member in the group.
- Step 2: After someone gives their monthly update, ask everyone to rate how deep the update felt on a scale from 1 to 10.
- Step 3: Collect the ratings and give them to the moderator.
- Step 4: Repeat this process for each person’s update.
3. Model Vulnerability as the Moderator
One of the most powerful tools to encourage deeper conversations is to lead by example. If you’re the Moderator, take the first step in being vulnerable. Share a personal story, admit a mistake, or talk about a challenging experience.
Why? Vulnerability breeds vulnerability. When leaders or facilitators open up, they give others implicit permission to do the same. As Brené Brown says:
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not very meaningful.”
By going first, you set the tone and create a safe space for others to follow suit.
4. Incorporate Structured Depth-Building Exercises
Sometimes, groups need a little push to move beyond surface-level conversation. Consider using intentional prompts or activities to create space for deeper dialogue. For example:
- “Highs, Lows, and Insights”: Ask each member to share a recent high point, a low point, and one insight they’ve gained.
- “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love”: While originally designed for fostering intimacy, these questions are excellent for deepening group connections.
- “What I Wish You Knew About Me”: Members share one thing they wish the group knew about them.
By incorporating exercises like these into your meetings, you naturally create opportunities to dive into the five percent.
Final Thought: Small Steps Create Big Connections
Deep, meaningful conversations don’t happen overnight. Building a Culture of Connection™ requires intention, patience, and trust. By implementing tools like feedback systems, discussing perceptions of depth, and modeling vulnerability, your Forum can gradually move from surface-level chatter to the “five percent.”
And remember, every group dynamic is unique. What works for one Forum might not work for another, so don’t be afraid to experiment and adapt until you find your rhythm.