If your Forum feels too nice, it’s probably not doing its job.
A few months ago, I sat in on a Forum meeting that looked picture-perfect on paper. The group had been meeting monthly for over a year. Everyone showed up on time. They smiled, nodded, gave supportive feedback—and left without a ripple. The final comments shared were all glowing and positive.
But something felt off. So afterward, I pulled aside one of the members and asked how things were really going. He paused, looked around to make sure no one was listening, and said:
“It’s fine. But honestly? I’m not sure it’s helping me anymore. I bring big challenges, and people just kind of... sympathize. No one ever calls me out on my B.S. or tells me the thing I don’t want to hear, but probably need to.”
That’s when it clicked: the group had created comfort, not growth. And there’s a big difference.
Forums Aren’t About Being Nice. They’re About Being Real.
Forums aren’t just about building camaraderie around kindness and sympathy. They’re about being real—and sometimes, that means saying the hard thing, not the nice thing.
In high-functioning groups, psychological safety doesn’t mean avoiding discomfort. It means feeling safe enough to enter it.
According to research from Harvard’s Amy Edmondson, psychological safety is what allows people to speak up, challenge each other, and take risks without fear of rejection.
But safety doesn’t equal softness.
Radical Candor Builds Real Growth
In a healthy Forum, members trust each other so deeply that they can say what needs to be said—even if it stings. They don’t shy away from discomfort; they walk into it, together, because they care.
True support isn’t telling someone they’re doing great when they’re stuck. It’s lovingly holding up a mirror and asking:
“Are you playing small right now?”
When Forums prioritize harmony over honesty, they become echo chambers. But when they embrace Radical Candor, with empathy and intent, they become engines of transformation.
One Question That Can Change Everything
Ask yourself: “When was the last time your Forum made you uncomfortable—in the best possible way?
If it’s been a while, it’s time to raise the bar. Recommit to truth-telling, even when it’s hard.
Try adding this question to your next meeting:
“What’s one thing you think this person needs to hear, but no one has said yet?”
You're Not Here to Be Liked, You're Here to Grow
Remember: You’re not in your Forum just to build friends by being liked. You’re there to learn, to level up, and to grow into your best self.
