Each Forum member is on their own journey with their own challenges. When it comes time to present a challenge to the group, the group should avoid responding by giving advice. Instead, each member should focus on sharing their own experience related to the challenge.
But why is giving advice so bad?
Forums are peer-to-peer groups that are learning, laughing, and growing together. The dynamic in this situation is different than if someone hired an expert to tell them what to do. The psychological safety within a Forum is critical to a Forum’s success, and giving advice to another member can damage the psychological safety in three ways:
- If Member A gives advice to Member B, and Member B takes action on the advice, which fails: Member B is going to have some resentment towards Member A for giving such bad advice. The psychological safety between these members would be lowered.
- If Member A gives advice to Member B, and Member B doesn’t take action on the advice, and things fall apart: Member A is going to have some resentment towards Member B for not doing what he suggested and will say something like, “I told you so.” The psychological safety between these members would be lowered.
- If Member A gives advice to Member B, and Member B takes action on the advice, and things go really well: This sounds great, but all Member B learned was that next time she/he has a problem, to go to Member A for a solution. Member B didn’t learn the real lesson of how to solve their own problems, to stand on their own two feet, or to slay their own dragons. (https://tinyurl.com/vvb7ut3)
“People can’t solve your problems for you. And they shouldn’t try, because that won’t make you happy. You can’t solve other people’s problems for them either, because that likewise won’t make them happy. The mark of an unhealthy relationship is two people who try to solve each other’s problems in order to feel good about themselves. Rather, a healthy relationship is when two people solve their own problems in order to feel good about each other.”
– Mark Manson (The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck)